![one slut and three gay men fucking one slut and three gay men fucking](https://i0.wp.com/tubecrush.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/IMG_5079.jpg)
That is the worth of who we are, and the value we can offer.įollow Jeff Leavell on Twitter or Instagram. I remind myself daily to remember that each man I make love to is a human being, and that I can love them for precious few minutes. What matters is the quality of the time we share together, whatever the duration of that time may be. I want it for every guy I make love to, now and in the future… I sincerely want my husband to fall in love and fuck as much as he can in this lifetime, and I want the same for our boyfriend, too. Why shouldn't we be good to one another? Why shouldn't we fuck, support, cherish, and love one another? I want as many people to love and be loved in turn as possible in this world. We are broken beings living in a harsh world. I have lied, I have cheated, and I've found redemption-a way to really like who I am, to forgive myself, and to seek out those I hurt and make amends. I've stolen from people who meant the world to me. I've held men I loved while they died in my arms. I have slept with men for a line of coke. For 12 years of my life, I was a daily heroin user. I refuse to shame anyone for their choices, even if they aren't choices I would make. These are people who would do anything for me, and I would do anything for them in return. I have fucked amazing people, people I now care for and love. With some guys, it still feels magical, like something truly important is happening. He's an addict." But sex has retained meaning to me. "That guy," I once overheard one man say about another, "has fucked so many people his sex can't have meaning anymore. Occasionally, within moments of loneliness, self-hatred, and desperation, we find one another, and for a few minutes can anchor one another in a dark and isolating world. Sometimes it's enough to share that feeling and nothing else. There is real beauty to be found in holding someone while deep inside them, feeling their heartbeat and hearing their shallow breaths.
![one slut and three gay men fucking one slut and three gay men fucking](https://img.izismile.com/img/img5/20120523/640/modern_russian_schoolgirls_chic_or_slutty_640_high_04.jpg)
![one slut and three gay men fucking one slut and three gay men fucking](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TXC0nAdHA5I/SayxfcCXwDI/AAAAAAAAAiI/Z95ZruBBDbI/s320/Deepika+Padukone+at+Fiama+Di+Wills+event+(18).jpg)
I spent hours kissing, fucking, holding others' hands while they masturbated, whispering things into strange ears, sharing moments lost but for my memories. I know now that what I searched for, beyond sex, was friendship, and a way to be intimate with another, even if just for a precious few seconds. I had just read John Rechy's Numbers, a veritable cruising bible, and soon found myself stalking the shadows of Griffith Park, devouring whatever and whomever I found. In the late 90s, I left New York for Los Angeles, and found myself alone in a new city. I was looking for a place to belong, and people who were like me. And while I was a horny teenager, I wasn't just going to the park to fuck. Eventually, I'd head out alone to Central Park.
![one slut and three gay men fucking one slut and three gay men fucking](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Yq_fQVqQWKQ/TDSUJXMiVSI/AAAAAAAAAno/dkf-D23J6sc/s1600/leidiane-dandee-blumenau.jpg)
We would spend our Saturdays watching the Robin Byrd Show while I sucked him off. I spent teenage weekends at my best friend's apartment on Central Park West. Sometimes, especially if you never see them again. Even if you never see your partner again. Sex is transcendental and beautiful, even if that stranger pushes you away, zips up, and leaves. Even in the most anonymous of hookups there's something magical to be found blowing a stranger in a bathroom can be as intimate and mind-blowing as any sex. I remind myself daily to remember that each man I make love to is a human being, and that I can love them for a precious few minutes. I've had a lot of sex, and for that, I feel lucky. The real number of men I've slept with, as far as I can figure, is somewhere between that and 3,500. I have been having sex for 32 years-32 times 40 makes 1,280. I've been having sex regularly since I was 16. I had my first three-way when I was 14, with two neighborhood boys. My husband Alex and I probably fucked 40 guys over the course of our five week honeymoon in Europe. Sleeping with 400 men means sleeping with 40 each year for ten years.